Love? Or Not......
2003-08-03 - 11:12 p.m.
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It appears as if I have been somewhat chastened. Not directly, but hey....I'm not that innocent. I've now poured myself a stiff Baileys on ice (I'll take a photo later) and I'm ready to go at it.
Which is what makes me think that his version of "love" is based on his emotions at the time. And we allllll know that love has not a damn thing to do with how you happen to feel at the time. When you love someone, you've got to will yourself to do it when it's hard and when you feel like crap, not just when you're high and giddy.
Am I guilty of this? Somewhat. Just reflecting on my last relationship. I did leave, after all. In trying times, for the both of us. I've questioned myself more times than I care to remember (and, strangely enough, usually while sipping on Baileys).
Should I have stuck with it? Should I have weathered the storm? “It” might not have been forever. And there should be no doubt in anyone's mind the depth of feelings I had for her. I'd like to think it was love.
Its not as if I just upped and left on her at the first cloud on the horizon. Like all relationships, we had our ups and downs. Given our intensity (we both have somewhat hedonistic / addictive personalities) those were very jagged peaks and troughs.
Its just that, after a while, I got worn down by it all. Those waves just crashing against me, pounding away at my will. The love never died, not even the day I walked out that door for the last time. Just my ability to cope, and live with it.
There were other, sharper, reasons for my walking of course. Had there been a palpable love between us, I think I would have stayed. Those feelings forgave much, and galvanised me to endure even more. However, it also moulded me into something other than what I had been. Better in some ways, worse in others.
I saw Finding Nemo tonight. It was actually pretty good. The sharks were great, and so were all the people/animals with Australian accents. I <3 accents.
Well, being from Sydney I guess I'm pretty set. Perhaps I should have a VoIP call with Girl. :)
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